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SUCCESS: Sing The Song You Came To Sing!
I can’t tell you what I discovered about the concept of a perfect world without telling you where it all started. So let the “perfect” journey begin.
The year was 1989; it was another beautiful Colorado summer morning like any other: 60 degrees, bright blue sky, with a few cotton-like clouds. I was getting ready to leave my office to give the 300th speech of my career. (Of course the first 232 were for services clubs like Optimist, Rotary, Parents without Partners, and Parents without a lot of other things, too.) I had just started to make a few bucks in the speaking business, had recently bought a house, and felt pretty good about my future. I was living the good life; after all, I was President of the Colorado Chapter of the National Speakers Association. They don’t elect just anyone you know. Or do they? Of course they don’t.
The phone rang; it was a stranger, Nancy McGraw. She needed information. The President of the Colorado Speakers Association would surely have it. Did I know of any public seminar companies that were hiring? She was looking for part-time work as an on-site person for a public seminar company. They’re the ones who handle registration on site, sell the products, and stand at the back of the room while the speaker is speaking, absorbing all of those wonderful ideas. Nancy had done a little work for Seminars International in the D.C. area before moving to Colorado. Did I know of anyone hiring?
“I don’t, but why don’t you come talk with me and see if you’d like to work for a professional speaker.” Nancy came in the next day and hasn’t left. Not that I wanted her to.
After one year, we found that “one thing” that Jack Palance talks about in “City Slickers.” That one thing that, when you find it, you know it—exactly what you’ve been looking for—the panacea! Nancy and I were talking about how to work better together. How can we be more efficient and effective in the office? How can we highlight our strengths and outsource or minimize our weaknesses? Out of the discussion, came that one thing we knew we had been looking for . . . the perfect world concept. How do we create each other’s “perfect world?” Wouldn’t it be nice in our employer/employee relationship if we created a situation in which we both did more of what we loved, outsourced what we didn’t like, and focused on living true to our values? What a concept! In fact, that would be each of our job descriptions: to create each other’s Perfect World. Simple, yet profound.
My Perfect World
Okay, Nancy asked, “What is it for you? What drives you? What do you value? What is your perfect world?”
“It’s anything that revolves around fun and freedom,” I said. “Freedom to come and go as I please, freedom to create, and freedom to make a difference in this world in ways I’d like. If you help me do that, I’ll be one happy camper.”
So what does creating a Perfect World mean for Nancy? A lot.
Nancy takes care of everything in the office, and takes care of many things in the house and even the garage. (We work out of my house.) She does all the stuff that doesn’t show but makes all the difference in world.
In addition to running the office, she covers for me when needed, reminds me of birthdays two weeks out, and never lets me leave the house wearing one black sock and one blue sock. Nice to have your own fashion police right there on staff. She takes me to and picks me up from the airport, does whatever it takes to get mailings out on time, and will run errands all over town at any time of the day or night. And to this day she is the only person who has successfully surprised me on my birthday. How clever, throwing me a surprise party at the airport in Denver for my fortieth birthday. As I came off the plane and saw friends and family, I wondered where they all could be flying off to today. Nothing like a good surprise as your mind slowly puts all the pieces together. I was truly floored by this great surprise—and tickled.
If you ask Nancy what she does for me, she loves to kid around by saying, “Everything except sex.” Yes, if I’m in a bind—and I’ve been in quite a few binds—she’ll do just about anything to create my perfect world. Anything that is, except sex. After all, she is married and that “sex” stuff just doesn’t have a place in the office.
Nancy’s Perfect World
“Okay, Nancy, what is your Perfect World?” I asked.
“Get rid of anything to do with accounting and technology, have more time for marketing and taking care of our clients. I’d also like to spend more time with my son (who at the time was 12) and with family around the country. I’d like to travel more, have more fun, and partake in the delightfully unexpected more often.”
“Okay, done,” I replied. “No more accounting and technology. We’ll order out. This will free you up to do more marketing and spend more time with clients. You can ‘call in well’ anytime you’d like if it gives you the opportunity to be with David and the family. We’ll create an incentive plan and your reward will be free tickets to travel anywhere you’d like. And I’ll do my best to keep things from getting mundane in the workplace.
“At the end of every month, we will grade ourselves on a scale of 1-10 on how well we did at creating each other’s perfect world. If we aren’t at a 9 or 10, we’ll figure out a way to raise the score the next month.” And for the last 13 years, we’ve stayed in tune with each other’s Perfect World.
The Perfect Birthday Surprise
Nancy’s 50th birthday was a slam-dunk. David, her son, husband, Jack, and I etched the plot. David called about three weeks out and said, “Mom I feel terrible, but I can’t come home for your birthday. I have three tests that week, and I can’t make them all up. What if I came back two weeks later and we’d have more time to spend together?” Nancy was disappointed, but she understood.
Fast forward to July 7, 1999, Nancy’s 50th birthday. Being the loyal employee she is, Nancy is working a half day. About ten o’clock, the phone rings. It’s my buddy Tim, but Nancy thinks it’s a client. I answer and say, “You’ve made a decision, and you’d like me to speak on October 23rd in Orlando.” (I covered the phone.) “Nancy, do me a quick favor, take my keys and run to the car and get my road calendar out of the trunk.” (She’d done this before when I’d forgotten to bring in my calendar.) She gets there, opens the trunk, and sees David, who screams, “SURPRRIIIIIIISSEEE!”
After Nancy came to, she knew she was somewhere in the vicinity of her Perfect World. David had been happy to play along and was certainly glad he survived his time in the trunk. (It was only six hours . . . just kidding!)
The Perfect Raise
On to September 2001. Celebrating 13 wonderful years of working together, I wanted to give Nancy an “out-of-the-ordinary” raise and do it in a way she wouldn’t soon forget. Anyone who could put up with me for 13 years deserves not only a medal, but something very special.
My “Keep the Fun Meter on a 10” buddy, Gary, told me to lease Nancy a car. “Lease her a car that she wouldn’t buy for herself, and she will appreciate it every day. (And the good news is, with the tax break, your gift goes twice as far.)”
What a brilliant idea. I mean a perfect idea. So I called Nancy’s husband, Jack, to help with the latest scheme.
Here was the plan: Nancy’s son, David, would fly out of Seattle around 9 a.m. PST and I’d pick him up at the airport on my way back from Colorado Springs where I had a speech. Nancy was scheduled to take my car in for servicing. That’s where I’d drop David off. Clad in a mechanic’s hat and glasses, David would drive up in a loaner from the service department, which would just happen to be her brand new car. In best disguise, he’d say, “Ma’am, here is your loaner, ahh, go ahead and just keep it,” and you know what? I’m coming with you!” He’d give her a big kiss and he’d drive her away. Seemed like the perfect plan.
It was the appointed day, a Tuesday in September. I awoke in a Colorado Springs hotel all excited about putting the plan into action. David would be at the airport in Seattle by now, ready to fly out. Nancy’s husband, Jack, called me as I was about to go down to the meeting room. I already knew. I had been watching the Today Show as the second plane flew into the second World Trade Center tower.
Everything seemed surreal. They had closed all the airports around the country. David wouldn’t be coming to Denver today. The planned surprise didn’t seem a big deal any more. Nothing did. A dark shadow had been cast over the world. With a lump in my throat, I went downstairs to fulfill my speaking engagement with the Rocky Mountain Telecommunications Association. I tried to offer hope.
After my program, I drove up to Denver from Colorado Springs. A friend and I picked up Nancy’s new car. Instead of driving it to the dealership to drop off David, I drove it home and parked it in my neighbor’s garage. Fortunately, my neighbor Marianne had an extra space and was willing to hide it.
Two mornings later, filled with sorrow and still in a daze, I knew it was time to take a break from our moping around. I remembered what I had told the Columbine school administrators soon after the tragedy at their year-end meeting, “Your job is not to stop mourning, but to stop only mourning. It’s okay to take a break and celebrate what’s good.”
So I called Marianne and gave her the plan.
Here was the scene that morning: The phone rings in the office. It’s Marianne.
Nancy says to me, “Marianne thinks she left her coffeepot on. Could one of us run over and check? She said she gave you a garage door opener a few years back; do you still have it?”
I respond, “I think it’s in the bottom drawer in the kitchen.” Nancy finally finds the opener and heads over to check on the coffeepot. The first thing she sees when she opens the garage is a shiny new car. As she tells the story, she thought, “Wow, Marianne got a new car. I wonder why she isn’t driving it to work?” Then she sees a huge card on the car with NANCY in big letters written on it.
She goes over to the card, opens it, and reads, “Happy 13 Years! Thanks for helping to create my perfect world. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
Not sure if the car is really hers, but thinking it may be, she comes back to the house for an explanation with her mouth open, muttering, “Oh my gosh.” More than once, I confirm the good news and ask if she turned off the coffeepot. In the midst of a very tough stretch, we take time to celebrate.
(One important note: I was in a fortunate circumstance to be able to afford a car for Nancy. You don’t have to be that elaborate. A special card, a dinner at a wonderful restaurant, a certificate to get someone’s windows cleaned—any extra and carefully thought-through gesture will have the same joyful effect.)
Creating Others’ Perfect Worlds
What if we lived our life with each other’s “Perfect World” in mind? What if we spent more time asking questions and paying attention to the perfect world of our co-workers, spouses, family and friends? What if we made choices in life based on those perfect worlds? Would you sell more? Would you laugh more? Would you love more? Would the quality of your relationships improve? Would the quality of your life improve?
So how do you best go about creating another person’s Perfect World?” You start by looking at the world through their eyes. It’s not always easy if you only have eyes for “I.” Get past your self-absorbed self. Pay more attention.
Start by asking questions. Ask the customers themselves: “If we could have done one thing better in working with you, what would it have been?” Find out and then deliver. Ask: How can I create a better experience for my customers? What can I do to truly connect with them? How can I move from being ordinary to extra-ordinary?
Do you want to keep good customers? Want to keep good friends? Want to keep good employees? Find out what drives them. Find out what constitutes their Perfect World.
According to the United States Department of Labor, 87% of employees leave their jobs because they are unhappy with their managers. Do you think those managers are tuned in to employee needs and values?
The University of California at Irvine School of Psychology and Human Behavior conducted a survey to determine motivating factors for employees. Would it surprise you that money ranked near the bottom? Appreciation, flexibility, challenging work, and good communication were the top four.
The most effective company incentive programs I’ve seen are the ones customized to meet the desires of each employee.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “One of the most beautiful compensations of this life is that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.” It’s a wonderful way to live.
So, you may be asking, “What does this have to do with a book on humor? Good question. Glad you asked. You see, humor doesn’t have to always be about silliness and laughter. Humor evolves naturally from an atmosphere in which we have created delight. Take an environment free of sorrow, pain, and resentment, then enhance it with delight and we have created a space for humor.
By living the “perfect world” philosophy, we provide an opportunity for joy, spontaneity, curiosity, silliness, and laughter to flourish. And that’s humor at its very best. In fact, that’s . . . perfect!
As uncertainty and anxiety in the business world reach epidemic proportions, people are searching for a new prescription to stay competitive, or at least sane! Humor is the perfect remedy! Humor has now been scientifically proven to relieve stress, improve productivity, motivate workers and increase sales!
A woman attending one of my seminars confirmed the power of humor. She said she used to worry about her son Brian. Brian didn't seem to fit in at school. Some days he came home from school crying because he didn't think he was liked by the other kids. Then one day everything changed! Brian raced home from school and proudly proclaimed that he had found the secret to making friends. "Just make them laugh," he beamed, "and they will like you!"
The same "secret" applies to sales of any sort. Successful selling is actually about making friends. The best salespeople seem to have a special knack for building rapport. By contrast, those who fail to do so generate just the opposite results. Have you ever gone out to buy something, found exactly what you wanted, but decided against buying it because you didn't like the salesperson'? A salesperson has the power to make or break the sale. It's really as simple as little Brian's axiom to make people laugh and they will like you. People buy from people they like. And they like people who make them laugh. Humor and laughter create instant rapport and camaraderie among people; they enhance receptivity and reduce resistance; they help establish a bond between people on which a relationship can be built. So once you get people laughing, you've laid the groundwork for doing business with them.
Good salespeople make the entire sales process fun. When they communicate, they touch not only the minds of their prospects, but their hearts and funny bones as well! It is important not to confuse a salesperson with a comedian. A comedian succeeds just by being funny, but a salesperson succeeds only when the humor helps to sell the product or service, or build customer loyalty.
People often say they envy those who are funny and able to make others laugh. But anyone can learn to be more humorous with a little effort and practice. Humor is a learned skill, like playing the guitar. It begins with cultivating an appreciation of humor whenever and wherever you find it, and then making the effort to incorporate humor rituals into your daily life, particularly your daily sales routine. Not every attempt will come off as you'd hoped, but the ultimate payoff for those who keep trying is increased commissions.
You are limited only by your imagination. Here are a few ideas to start your creative humor wheels turning toward improved business relationships and increased sales:
* Write humorous notes on the outside of your letters, such as:
"Please open before reading!"
"Danger: Contents of letter may make you smile!"
"Warning: Enclosed proposal has been proven to make large sums of money for laboratory rats."
Engaging your prospects "in fun" may increase their receptivity to your proposal.
*Include cartoons in your correspondence to clients.
Most people love cartoons. If you send product information, don't be afraid to include a personalized cartoon that targets your service or product. People will identify with positive, witty, and friendly characters. Your characters can poke "gentle" fun at a familiar situation. A good cartoon won't say it all, but it invites people to pay attention to what you have to say.
*Use incongruity when handling objections:
"All right! So you don't like the contract! Okay, I'll paint it green!" By breaking the tension, incongruity gives you the opportunity to regain control of the situation.
*Use calculated self-effacing humor to help alleviate misunderstandings.
When dealing with an angry person, resist the temptation to react on the same level and fight back. Instead, use humor to defuse the tension. Should an irate client ask, "Do you suffer from insanity?" your response could be, "No, I enjoy it!" Or if a client walks in and says, 'Okay, who is the idiot in charge here'?" you could say, "I'm head idiot; how can we
solve this challenge'?"
Such an unexpected response absorbs and redirects anger in a harmless way without putting the other person down. Even if you are unable to control the attitudes or behavior of those around you, you can always keep your sense of humor and control your reaction to their anger.
*Poke fun at yourself and people will laugh with you, not at you.
Tell personal stories where the lesson is learned at your expense. It will make you appear more human, more vulnerable, more approachable -- an instant rapport builder.
Self-effacing humor is so effective that it ranks as a leadership trait. It reflects strength and confidence. It shows that you are secure enough to laugh at yourself It also creates instant rapport, defuses tension, and makes you more likable. Refrain from making off-color or derogatory remarks about others. Trying to draw laughs at the expense of others shows a lack of good sense, compassion, and professionalism.
True humor has its roots in kindness and affection. The highest form of humor is to laugh at yourself; the lowest form is to laugh at someone else.
*Be unique in dealing with your clients.
Send a fork with a note saying, "I'm hungry for your business!" How about a mini-service station with a greasy note attached saying, "Best Service in Town." Send your message on top of a cake. You may just find doing business becomes a piece of cake! People will even forgive a few bad puns when they know your intent is to amuse them. Try sending your message via telegram to a client. Or get really wild and hire a singing telegram company to convey your message in verse.
Salespeople are using humor-studded tactics to get through to the hardest-to-seb
prospects. One made a prospect the beneficiary of a huge sum of flight insurance, available at all airports. On the policy she wrote, "My last thoughts were of you." Another woman removes the arm of a doll and sends it to an elusive prospect with the message, "I'd give my night arm to see
you! "
To get meetings off to a productive and positive start, serve everyone ice cream or suckers, There's something very humorous and warming about sitting around a table with three people with blue tongues.
Practice "rehearsed spontaneity." In dealing with clients, we have certain situations that seem to come up again and again. You can anticipate such situations and be ready with a fresh, weu-rehearsed, "spontaneous" response. To the objection, "The price of this house is just too high!" you might reply, "Well, if we took out the kitchen we could save you about $6,000." To the question, "How long will it take to get the product shipped'?" you could answer, "Oh, about eighteen months to two years, but once you get it, you're going to love it!" (Suddenly, fourteen weeks doesn't seem so long!) Or you could ask, "Do you know the difference between my becoming your primary supplier, and a Caesar salad'?" "No'? Then how about having lunch on Tuesday."
The artful use of humor tends to relax prospects; in that state, they become more open, more likely to tell you things they wouldn't normally reveal, so you gain the inside track on how to meet their real needs. It uncovers hidden objections and moves the client closer to "Yes!" A tense or uncomfortable prospect is far less willing to have an open discussion with you or reveal any real problems or concerns.
Even if you are selling the best product or service in the world, you increase your advantage if you incorporate just enough humor to break up the monotony and keep the prospect interested. You can't reason with someone who isn't paying attention!. Many a prospect has walked away from a sale out of sheer boredom. Humor attracts and holds attention. It appeals to a sense of enjoyment rather than a sense of logic.
One of the hottest places to develop new clients and stay in touch with existing ones is through the Internet. Because it is such a new medium, it is still a very personal Way to stay in touch. It's sort of like belonging to a private club! People tend to respond to e-mail messages more quickly and reliably than to phone messages or snail mail! Because it fosters a kind of playfulness, sharing positive, appropriate humor via e-mail can create an immediate bond. The World Wide Web has many sites from which to find this kind of clean, appropriate humor. Log on; go "surfing,',' and start sharing the wave of humor!
Will humor work with every sale? Nothing works all the time, but ask yourself: does it work with you'? Most people love a good laugh and are receptive to humor. Sometimes you just have to pay close attention to find their funny bones!
Every situation is unique. Each interaction with other people requires you to assess the situation from a fresh perspective. You must recognize individual nuances, make adjustments, and use good judgment. Common sense is a prerequisite for using humor successfully.
But, humor will never substitute for effective salesmanship. You must still know your product, be able to solve client problems, and be persistent in your follow-up. Humor win then give you the sales advantage because, remember, you're not in the "sales" business; you're in the "people" business. Humor is a technique that can be learned, practiced, and developed, 'just like other skills. Try it! Discover for yourself that those who chuckle have more fun and laugh all the way to the bank!
By Scott Friedman, CSP
With restructurings, takeovers, and layoffs sweeping the corporate world, employee insecurity and fear are at record levels. The definition of an optimist in corporate America today is an employee who brings his lunch to work. Change has become a daily activity with no end in sight. Anxiety reverberates throughout the entire organization. During these times, corporations need some sort of antidote for stress. Many companies see a dose of humor as a remedy to reduce tension and motivate workers. By coming to our senses of humor, we find truth in the statement that he or she who laughs, lasts.
Does a sense of humor translate into dollars and cents? While the savings won't show up on your balance sheet under comic credits or laugh assets, humor does add an intangible but real benefit.
Humor creates bonds in the workplace. It's the shortest distance between two people. Humor helps establish a feeling of camaraderie and sets the tone for cooperation rather than contention.
To use humor positively at work, people must take themselves lightly, while taking their jobs seriously. Humor is much more than just telling jokes. Humor is the ability to find something funny in your predicament. A comic vision helps people tolerate change in the workplace and get along better with others.
The health of any organization is in direct proportion to that organization's ability to laugh at itself. Many companies are just too darn serious. Their structure and formality inhibit open communications and stifle creativity. If organizations would loosen up a little, they would realize that informality and spontaneity foster open communications and stimulate creativity. What setting is more informal and spontaneous than one with good humor, fun, and play?
Humor is a technique that can be learned, practiced, reinforced and internalized just like other skills. Where do you start? First, remember that you don't need to be a stand-up comic, you just need to add some spirit to the work environment.
The first ten minutes of the morning set the 'attitude' for the rest of the day, so start light. Here are some ideas:
When an irate client asks, "Have you been incompetent your whole life?" your response could be, "Not yet I haven't." Or when a customer comes in and says, "Okay who is the idiot in charge here?" say, "I'm head idiot. What can I do for you?" An unexpected non-threatening response absorbs and redirects the anger in a harmless way without putting the other person down. It may be almost impossible to control others, but you can always control yourself.
A quick warning --- Be careful when using Aikido. There is a fine line between positive and negative humor. The first thing is to ask yourself the question, "Where am I coming from?" If you're coming from a hostile place, it could very well be reflected in your humor for humor mirrors the truth. Anger or bitterness many times comes out as sarcasm or humor with a biting, caustic edge. You do more harm than if you had said nothing at all.
The most effective humor has its roots in kindliness and affection. The highest form of laughter is to laugh at yourself; the lowest is to laugh at someone else. Making fun of yourself creates instant rapport and creates bonds with workers.
One executive was quoted as saying, "There are two ways to develop self-esteem at the office. The first is to share positive humor, and the second is to take all mirrors out of the washrooms."
A healthy sense of life's absurdities can help us forget our problems and put a smile on our faces. With humor we can sit back, detach ourselves from the situation, and laugh at ourselves for becoming so reactive at life's afflictions. And we can ask ourselves, "Why am I taking life so seriously? It's not permanent." No one gets out of it alive anyway. In a hundred years, what difference will it make anyway. So lighten up! So if a tornado blows off your roof, be like the guy who put up a sign saying, "Open House Today."
"Laughter is contagious --- Why not infect the whole company?"
By Scott Friedman, CSP
That is the question…whether ‘tis nobler to spend eighteen hours a day trying frantically to wipe out your "to do" list, or to throw in the towel and admit that not even an army of ants could get it all done. You’re zipping along in the fast lane of life. You’ve got e-mail, voice mail, a pager, a cell phone, and a lap top computer-- all supposedly designed to bring you convenience and flexibility. Along with all that convenience are 53 unanswered e-mails, a pile of voice mails delivered at midnight, and a page sounding in the middle of your child’s soccer game. What’s worse is that we have come to accept this high-speed rat race as the norm. Humor me and answer these questions:"Hi, this is Bob in Accounting. I can’t take your call right now because I’m busy having a nervous breakdown. I’m sure that the reason you called is very important. I hope to call you back sometime this decade if I don’t die of exhaustion. Have a terrific day. Beeeeeeeeep."
It’s no surprise if you answered yes to any of those questions. An article in Fast Company magazine entitled, "Don’t Manage Time, Manage Yourself" by David Beardsley states that the average businessperson has a chronic backlog of 200 to 300 hours of uncompleted work! That’s a month or more! It’s impossible to catch up—that’s the bad news. People everywhere are routinely a month behind.
That brings us to the $63,000 question. If we can’t get it all done, how do we actually live with the pressure of always being behind? The answer just may lie in the wisdom of the Tao Te Ching. This ancient Chinese book reminds us to seek simplicity, to let go. The Tao states, "In letting go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go." The good news is that when you surrender to the reality that you can’t do it all, your stress level goes way down and your quality of life goes way up.
Am I saying to take the following approach? If you have something to do let it go; if it comes back to you complete it; if it doesn't come back to you, it was never yours to do in the first place. No, that may get you in a little trouble.
Am I saying just forget about your responsibilities and walk away? No, ignoring things won’t make them go away. I’m saying take some time and look at yourself and your life and figure out what you need to let go of to feel good. Maybe you need to let go of the belief that in order to go home from work you must have your work finished, or have a very good handle on it. Perhaps you need to let go of the idea that you have to be in total control all the time. With change being flung at us constantly, we have a tendency to hold on tighter because of our fears. Yet, if we could only let go and live with uncertainty, we’d actually be a lot happier.
It’s tough letting go because we feel out of our comfort zones and even incompetent at times. I know I get nervous when I feel like I’m in completely new territory and nothing seems familiar. I had a Macintosh computer ever since I can remember. Many of my friends and colleagues switched to an IBM platform because the Mac was no longer meeting their needs. I shared some of the same frustrations, yet I didn’t want to switch. I had never even turned on a PC before. Finally, my frustration got so high that I made the switch. At first, the learning curve was painful, but now I look back and I can’t believe I waited so long.
Don’t we frequently say that after we’ve made a major switch in our lives? Once we released the fear and took the plunge—whatever it was—we often say, "I wish I had done it sooner." The other great bonus in letting go of fear and making a change is the learning that comes from it. It’s revitalizing. It’s energizing.
Staying energized is tough if you feel like you are always behind. Living faster and harder does not improve quality of life; living with more focus does. You can’t be focused and energetic if you are running nonstop, trying to do everything. Instead of adding every event, project, goal and opportunity to your list that comes your way, you must become discriminating. You need to become a connoisseur of possible "to do’s." Reframe the way you think about your "to do" list. Instead of viewing your list as an endless list of obligations, it should be a reflection of your passions and priorities. It should be an honor to get on your list.
The key to creating a Grade A list is to really take some time to affirm your priorities. To be effective, this requires honest soul searching about some difficult choices. A fast track at the office, involved parenting, a serious hobby, volunteering, and season tickets to 81 home baseball games is probably too much to juggle. You can’t avoid making these choices. You have to set your priorities.
Once you have decided what’s important your world gets a whole lot clearer. When you ask yourself, "Is chairing this committee in alignment with my priorities?" you’ll know whether to accept or not. You will be able to let go of other potential distractions and unwanted commitments. Jeffrey Miller, President and CEO of Documentum said it well when he stated, "There is always too much work to do and not enough time to do it. In order to prevent insanity, frustration and burn out, we need to develop our own pace and then develop laser-like focus on your priorities."
Day in and day out it’s still tough to keep track of priorities. I have found something that really helps keep my priorities in focus. Every night, the last thing I do before I end my workday is to make a realistic list for the following day. Don’t make your list too long to achieve. Stick to four to six items. Through trial and error, I have discovered that it’s best to allow for the unexpected. I leave open some unscheduled time to build in for distractions that invariably crop up. The other element I include is time for important long-term projects. I spend a set amount of time working on one component of a big project. This is true whether it’s a work-related project or a personal goal.
The other tools I regularly use are three questions I repeat like a mantra. They are:
Once you determine what’s important and establish your priorities, it becomes much easier to eliminate the clutter that can cloud your vision. Once we let go of what isn’t important and what we can’t control, we can enjoy the wild ride. Maybe you can even let go and ride "no-handed!"
SUCCESS: Sing The Song You Came To Sing!
By Scott Friedman, CSP
Success! It means different things to different people. Have you ever
sat down and asked yourself, what does success mean to you? What would it take for you to
consider yourself a success? We all say we want success, but what does that really mean?
Success Step 1: Define Success
The first step on the path to success is to clarify your own unique
definition of success. Many people in our society define success in financial terms.
Malcolm Forbes coined the phrase, "The one who dies with the most toys wins!"
reflecting the popular value that the acquisition of material possessions is what the game
of life is all about. I'd like to offer my version of this saying: The one who dies with
the most toys, still dies. Let's change it to, the one who dies with the most 'joys' wins.
I think the important questions to ask yourself in defining success
are: What endures? What are you passionate about? What brings you joy? What brings joy to
those you love? Who and what do you care about? In what do you take pride? When it's all
said and done, what will make you feel your life has been worthwhile?
In my experience, relationships are more rewarding and far more
enduring than material possessions. I believe that the quality of life is determined
primarily by the quality of our relationships. It seems to me that the wealthiest people
in the world are those who are rich with friends. To love and be loved -- that's
"where it's at" for me! Only you can determine "where it's at" for
you.
In order to get in touch with what really matters to you, what
constitutes success to you, it is helpful to take yourself far enough away from the
pressures and distractions of your world so you can hear the song your heart wants to
sing. Some of us have buried it so deeply or ignored it for so long that we have to get
very, very quiet and listen very hard to hear its gentle strains. What song did you come
to sing? Once you've determined what your life song is, then it's up to you to make sure
it gets sung. Are you hitting some of the brightest, clearest, finest notes of your life's
song?
I'd like to share a few chords of my life's song with you! If I'm
spending quality time with family and friends, if I'm healthy, if I'm challenging myself
to keep growing professionally, personally and spiritually, if I'm being true to myself,
and making a difference in the lives of those around me, then by my definition -- the only
one that really matters -- I am a success!
By knowing what is important to me, I can set up my life to be
successful. You can do the same thing! So put down this book and think for a few minutes
about what is important to you. Just start writing whatever comes to mind. After you've
put all of your thoughts on paper, go back and pull out the most important ones to create
your personal definition of success -- without which you're not likely to achieve it! So
pick up that pen and paper and start writing your own definition of success! Don't worry;
it's not etched in stone! You're allowed to modify or change it -- in fact, that's
required, as you evolve and mature and learn more about life and yourself. But it's still
necessary to keep a "tune" in your head if you intend to sing!
How you define success: Success to me, _________________, is__________________________________________________.
Success Step 2: Manage Your Thoughts
Once you've defined success for yourself, you are on your way! Now,
it's time for the next step on your path to success. In fact, this step is far more than
one step! It is so important that most of the truly successful people I've observed place
it as a companion step to every other step along the path! For the single most important
step -- the one that distinguishes the winners from the losers in the quest for success --
is how well they manage their thoughts. The real winners know that SUCCESS IS AN INSIDE
JOB!
How well do you manage your thoughts? To become a success, to sing your
life's song, requires that you manage your thoughts to achieve that end. If you have great
command over what you think, then you really are on your way to success! But think about
this: Most people think about what they do and how they feel, but seldom think about what
they think about! Yet it's what you think about that determines what you do and how you
feel. So ask yourself, What do you think about? It's something to think about!
Choose Positive Thoughts
Each of us has our own unique perspective on the world. It's our
reality. Without even thinking, we're thinking. We can't stop thinking, but we can change
our thoughts. We can influence and even choose our thoughts.
The process of choosing your thoughts starts with knowing your desired
outcomes in any given situation. As you catch yourself thinking about other things --
especially things like past unproductive relationships, "If only's," and
mistakes you've made -- immediately replace those thoughts with thoughts of the outcomes
you want, because what you think about is what you get! Think you can have what you want,
you can. Think you're not good enough, you're not. Think the world is out to get you, it
is. Thoughts really do create results -- the ones we desire or the ones we don't --
depending on what we dwell on!
Trade in Blame and Pity for Responsibility
It's so common that it's considered "human nature" to conjure
excuses or look for someone else to blame when life doesn't work out. The truth is that if
we kicked the person responsible for our lives' not working out the way we want, we
wouldn't be able to sit down for a week!
One thing is for certain: If we don't take responsibility for creating
our lives, we allow other people and circumstances to shape our lives by default. Then we
reactively sing a song we didn't come to sing. Those who do take responsibility for their
lives seem to have a great deal more ability to shape their lives! What song did you come
to sing? Start singing, and don't go the grave with music still in you.
The other side of the blame coin is pity! You've thrown the party, the
self-pity party, where just you gather round, to celebrate all the things you don't like
about you . . . and your life!
By choosing our thoughts, we can shake the blame and pity syndrome, and
set ourselves up to be happy. Ralph Waldo Emerson said that thoughts rule the world. We
cannot control everything that happens in our lives, but the way that we evaluate our
experiences shapes the way we think in the future. Pay close attention to the way you
evaluate situations. As things happen, listen to what you are thinking and saying to
yourself. Then consciously focus on using each experience as an opportunity to create
thoughts that serve you better. Once we realize we have everything in our lives that we
need to make us truly happy, we can focus our thoughts on creating a peaceful more loving
state.
Model Good Thought Managers
Art Linkletter said, "Things happen the best for the people who
make the best out of the things that happen." This is a form of thought management
that is perhaps best developed by modeling someone who has mastered it. My Grandmother has
a special way of turning all of her experiences into learning lessons.
Grandma Fred, short for Fredella, at 85, is the best thought manager I
know. That's the reason she's so hip and stays so young. She dresses young; she acts
young; she thinks young! She's beat cancer and a stroke, lost my Grandfather, an apartment
to an earthquake, and has had a few other assorted dramas along the way. And the amazing
thing is that she's as happy as can be! She's out there playing tennis, dancing, and
exploring 'till way past the clock strikes twelve.
If there's a way to make it work, she'll find it. Ten years ago, about
a year after my Grandfather had passed away, Grandma Fred invited Lance, a handsome,
rough-looking, well-built 25-year-old Italian boy to move in with her. Lance had worked in
security in the building, and had become good friends with my Grandparents. He left that
job to become a male dancer at a local night club -- not a profession any of my high
school or college buddies had chosen to pursue. Lance needed to cut his overhead and
needed a mother figure in his life. Grandma needed some help around the apartment and a
little companionship -- so she said! Could she possibly have been a Grandma on the prowl?
Nahhh! She was just making life work. She was managing her thoughts. She was a success!
Lance now lives in Dallas and has joined the World Wrestling Federation. No, she didn't go
with him.
In January of 1994, Grandma was a little too close to the center of
that California Earthquake. Hey, it wasn't her fault! As Grandma describes it, it was as
if someone just picked up this huge apartment complex and started shaking it. Everything
in her apartment was shattered, glass was everywhere, and her apartment was condemned. To
this day, it still hasn't been repaired. What a quick way to lose your clothes, your
possessions, and your privacy! In her good-natured way, she said, "This too will
pass." And, typically, she managed to find humor in the situation. She joked that
after the quake she sent away for an earthquake survival guide and got back a map to
Kansas! No matter the drama, she's one good stage director! She's a woman in control of
her thoughts. She inspired this poem:
Grandma Fred's Poem
You can be just thirty-three and over the hill,
Or eighty-five going on twenty-nine!
The young-at-heart don't care about years;
They know age is only a state of mind!
You're never too old to be young,
So make love and laughter part of the plan;
The best thing in life is to die young
As old as you possibly can!
Program Yourself for Success
By now it should be fairly obvious that a positive attitude is the key
to successful thought management -- and to success! Many people take the problems of each
day to bed with them, and wake up thinking about those same problems. Add to that the
negative impact of watching the evening news just before bedtime, and it's not a surprise
people have trouble getting out of bed in the morning!
So how, you may ask -- if you aren't naturally quite as positive as
Grandma Fred -- can you learn to manage your thoughts better? You can actually program
yourself for success simply by asking yourself a series of questions when you awake in the
morning. Determine the questions that have the greatest impact for you, and then start
every morning with them. Here are a few questions that work for me. Try them on for
effect.
Question #1 - What do I have to be grateful for? The fact that there is
not a chalk outline around your body when you wake up is something to be grateful for.
Count your blessings every morning. If you look at some of the unfortunate situations that
could be bestowed upon you, from a terrible disease to a natural disaster, your worries
pale by comparison. When you're focusing on what works in your life, then you're not
thinking about what doesn't work.
Question #2 - How can I make a difference in someone's life today? The
quickest way to make your thoughts more cheerful is to cheer up somebody else. Focus on
what you can do for someone else, and you'll be amazed at the side benefits. Fragrance
always clings to the hand that gives roses.
Question #3 - What great thing is going to happen to me today? If we
expect great things to happen, great things have a way of sneaking into our lives. I live
by the assumption that every inconvenience I encounter is just an opportunity for
something good to happen; that conflicts are just blessings in disguise. As I am writing
this in Chicago's O'Hare airport, my flight is delayed for three hours. I begin looking
for the blessing. Suddenly, there it is! A friend I haven't seen in five years shows up
out of nowhere! His plane is delayed too. We spend a wonderful hour catching up. A true
blessing. And then there is the additional blessing that I have an unexpected block of
uninterrupted time to write this article! Look for the blessings and they will appear.
Because the first fifteen minutes of the morning will set the tone for
the rest of your day, it's also a good idea to start your morning with a happiness pledge.
It's silly, but it's almost guaranteed to kick-start your day!
THE HAPPINESS PLEDGE:
I, _____________, promise to think about what I think about, and to give myself permission
to be happy -- because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and dog-gone it, I don't care if
people like me! I like me! I am awesome! YESSS!!! [Accompanying gesture: Make fist with
right hand and pull right elbow quickly in to side.]
By starting each day with some sort of "happy ritual" we
improve our odds of having a great day. We are responsible for our own happiness! As
Abraham Lincoln said, "People are about as happy as they decide to be."
Reframe Challenges into Opportunities
The biggest test of how we manage our thoughts comes when life deals us
a situation we don't like. Every situation allows us the opportunity to get bitter or to
get better, to get discouraged or to get determined. But every experience in our lives
brings with it some sort of gift: gifts to learn, to grow, to think in terms of new
possibilities. The failures in our lives should not dis-empower us, because they are just
part of the process. Struggle, challenge and pain can be transformational power if we are
open to the lessons. They are gifts that serve as a wake up call, a gut check, a sign to
take a look inside and get creative about what we want. Unfortunately, all too often we
view mistakes and failures as a destination rather than just another part of the journey.
When challenges start to get the best of you, it's time to reframe your
thoughts. Suppose, for instance, there were no such thing as success or failure, a right
or wrong way of doing things, but only lessons to be learned that generate wisdom leading
to better choices. Would you approach life differently? In singing your life's song,
you're going to hit a few false notes, but that's usually when we hear the best wisdom, if
we're listening!
Success Step 3: Sing Your Song
When life isn't working quite as you'd planned
And something seems to be wrong,
It's either time to adjust the tune
Or completely change the whole song.
Life's joys and regrets, when it's all said and done,
Come not from life's games lost or won,
But from whether you sang what you came here to sing,
Or left with your life's song unsung!
Success! It means different things to different people. First define
it, then make sure your thoughts are congruent with the song you came to sing, and then
SING YOUR SONG! Success is an automatic byproduct! Life is a musical composed of two
songs: the one you wanted to sing, and the song that you actually do sing. The moment of
truth -- the most humble hour in our lives -- is when we compare those two songs.
To make sure that your life is a reflection of the life song you came to sing,
Watch your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words.
Watch your words, for your words become your actions.
Watch your actions, for your actions become your habits.
Watch your habits for your habits become your destiny.
Life is more than just a song; it's a symphony, Play all the sharps and flats of your life
with power, purpose an passion, and it will truly be a masterpiece.
Scott Friedman is a motivational humorist who works with organizations that want to give their employees a lift and with meeting professionals who want to add fun to their next event. His book "Using Humor for a Change" has sold over ... 49 copies.
16351 W. Ellsworth Ave., Golden, CO 80401 (303) 284-0811 Fax (303) 248-3086
Email Scott Friedman or Nancy McGraw
Copyright © 1997-2008 Scott Friedman, CSP. All Rights Reserved
President of the National Speakers Association 2004 - 2005
2004-2005